So on my recent monthly ritual trip to Target to pick up bath and body supplies, I experienced a slight surge of panic when I realized that “Scrub Actually” was nowhere to be found.  In fact the whole Soap and Glory display had been replaced by the vacant mockery of fluorescent lights and trails of sampled clearance items.

Seriously?  Everytime I fall in love with a line of products they pack up and leave shop like an unhappy housewife in the middle of the night. I remember finally finding a body scrub I could love in the Tutti Dolci Line that was sold exclusively at Bath and Body Works and later Victoria’s Secret.  Ever since their departure, I’ve been silently stalking Ebay for a scent similar to Tiramisu Veneziano and Fantasia Di Ciccolata.

What can I say?  As much as I love devouring some of my favorite desserts,  I love smelling like them just as much.  So in my disappointment surrounded by a selection of what I assumed were subpar products that could never find a home in my bathtub,  I found myself being drawn to Savour’s Choco Latte body lotion.  The scent was subtle and delicious without being offensive.  So since OCD me can’t buy anything unless it’s in a set, I ended up purchasing the matching sugar scrub and body wash.  I am in love!  At only $5.99 each for a decently portioned 13 oz.  bottle, these products have a superior quality.  The lotion is creamy and the scent is long-lasting.  Additional scents include Buttercream Cupcake, Mint Mojito,  Raspberry Gelato, Spiced Cider and the list goes on.  So excuse me while I stock up before I get stood up in the bath and body aisle by yet another brand.

So it’s settled and you’ve been dating what you may be thinking is the love of your life for several months, but suddenly all those eccentricities you once found so exciting about your new boo, suddenly are just plain annoying.  You may be even beginning to question whether those butterflies were really just a result of your weekly beef burrito supreme.  The honeymoon is over, and this is the time when most relationships are in a severely fragile state.  It’s the crossroad where the  endorphin clouds begin to lift from your brain and you begin to consider if you’ve been wasting your time or investing it wisely.  You may find yourself facing if what you have begun to build with your partner is worth dealing with his/her worst.  But before you throw in the towel, consult these reinforcements:

1) Love Without a Limit

Many couples begin to get complacent in their relationships after some time, but it is important to enforce the same standards you had before entering the relationship.  The best relationships have boundaries, and whether you’ve been together for ten days or ten years, you should both have respect for the lines you’ve drawn in the sand when you take a break from walking hand in hand in it.

2) Bring sexy back (better yet don’t ever drop it off)

So you’ve always been told that if your partner truly cares for you, that he/she will appreciate your beauty from the inside out.  While this true, that doesn’t mean it’s acceptable to quit maintenance on the outside.  While your man may not run for the hills at first sight of you in your satin bonnet, grey sweatpants and unfilled eyebrows it’s not a license to quit trying.  Your partner deserves what he/she signed up for occasionally.  In addition, try switching things up once in a while.  The energy and excitement of change isn’t just beneficial for your romance, but your self-esteem as well.

3.) It Really Is the Little Things

Part of preserving a romance is taking into consideration the individuality of your relationship and the incentives that can come as a part of the package.  The “just because” text messages and how you’d pick up his favorite sandwich from that deli he likes not because he was hungry, but because you were thinking of him.  Many partners think of these things simply as “that stuff you do because the relationship is new”, but completely ignore how cherished these small actions are to their significant other.  Sometimes the biggest parts of a happy, healthy relationship are the small gestures.

4) And You Are?

Several months have passed and you’ve built a certain comfort level, but you may find that some skeletons are doing the Harlem shake out of your partner’s closet, and yours as well.  So the only three guys you ever had sex with is actually closer to thirteen.  Or you’re giving him the side-eye since he thought it was a good idea to tell you about that orgy he had in college.  Before you blow the dust off of your Tamia’s “Stranger In My House” single , keep this important point in mind: Everyone has a past.  Focus on your future and how (if at all) this newfound information will affect your progress.

2011 will mark ten years since I walked the chaotic corridors of a high school as a student. In the cloudy crevices of my memory, I recall those years being accented by first love, a chronic lack of direction and a general feeling of awkwardness.  But I guess that’s pretty much adolescence defined for most people.  With the recent untimely deaths Of Tyler Clementi, Raymond Chase, and any other teen, LGBTQ or otherwise, who have felt that suicide is a viable option out of the hell that can sometimes be highschool, I can’t help but wonder about the burdens that today’s youth have to bear. What is different today about the worries and fears that challenge the strength of young people struggling to define,  justify and make sense of themselves and their sexuality?  This isn’t just an LGBTQ issue, it’s a human issue.

In 2001, my biggest fears and worries included if the tree on my Timberland boots was noticeable since any other symbol on a tan work boot was punishable by the torment of your peers.  Rumors and gossip of my peers’ sex lives usually remained unproven and intangible.  Teenagers today are surrounded by technology that allows them to completely submit the intimacy and privacy of their lives with no regard for the consequences and no concern for the long-lasting effects.  But is that technology’s fault? I don’t think the answer is that clear.  What I will say is that with the development of technology has followed a decline in most people’s ethics and moral fiber.

Teenagers today are dealing with life experiences that draw emotions that even most stable adults have difficulty navigating.  What’s even worse is that many of these teens’ thought processes have difficulty matching the intensity of the situations they often deal with on a day-to-day basis.  This isn’t a blame game, but I do feel that most young people are being forced to face these obstacles ill equipped, because frankly they shouldn’t have to face these obstacles at all.   Our teens are in the world everyday taking the final, but have never even had the class.

I truly believe that everyone at some point will face some form of mild depression.  Depression can slowly seep into the heart and soul like a virus invades an open wound, slowly breaking down the body’s defenses one desperate thought at a time.  And the symptoms aren’t hard to ignore: loneliness and hopelessness.  Mine came at an early age, but through my tears I found inspiration and creativity, in my anger I found strength, and my self-pity slowly changed to pride, and at age 26 I can honestly testify: Not only does it get better, it actually gets damn good.

I am confident that the dramatic rise in suicide rate and the stories of others like Tyler Clementi and Raymond Chase will raise awareness and draw a sense of unity for all of us to treat each other with respect and compassion, but I can’t help but wonder what significant change and beauty their lives could have brought the world.  Our youth need to know, that it is always darkest before dawn and that it does get better!  They need people who are fighting for them and beside them for the right to be themselves  and be different.  They need resources and that will reassure them that it is just as OK to be exactly the same, but the important thing is for them to just be…

The Trevor Project is the national provider of life saving resources to LGBTQ youth and their families.  Several famous faces have joined this effort to advocate acceptance and help prevent teen suicide by promoting mental health and positive self-esteem.  The Trevor Project is based on a 1994 Academy-Award winning short film named ”Trevor” whose title character makes an attempt to take his life after being rejected by his peers for his sexuality.  For more info please visit: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/

Imitation Leather Skirt

An affordable version of the Louis Vuitton Leather skirt that I fell in love with at the end of summer. At only $24.99 it’s a steal and comes in my trademark color, grey.

Imitation Leather Pilot Jacket

A $24.99 edgy combination of sexy and sleek.

A military look that I don’t think I’ll dread seeing in my closet in 2011. At $49.99 it’s available in dark grey, black, and if you really want to make a statement, bright red.  Lil’ Red riding Hood would be one stylish bitch.

Double Breasted Jacket

What can I say? I’m a fan of the double breast, especially at $39.99 and available in grey and black.

Hounds tooth Jacket

Hounds tooth that would make Keri Hilson proud, and at $39.99 it’s “turnin me on.”

Wicked Wall Street

So remember the scene in “Home Alone” when Kevin McCallister gets separated from his family in the airport and goes to follow a man who is wearing a coat that is similar to his father’s?  I LOVED that coat.  It reminds me of Wall Street almost instantly and drips sophistication.  Now you can afford something similar without having to get paid like a broker.

College Co-Ed

I tried on this jacket in the store and for some reason it instantly reminded me of walking to the library completely across campus for frozen coffee before class.  Not the warmest thing in the world, but perfect for fall.  At $24.99, where do I sign?

Belted Poncho

H&M Poncho

Sexy, warm, camel.  Need I say more?

Chiffon Dress

Floral Chiffon Dress

If you love ruffles as much as I do, then you’ll love these delicate numbers at $14.99

The bad news:  If you’re a United States Citizen, you cannot shop online at H&M just yet. The good news: H&M is located in most major malls throughout the country, but if you want to window shop in the meantime visit http://www.hm.com/

Happy shopping!

The other day a random Facebook friend request from an ex’s sibling got me thinking about the way I’ve chosen to deal (or not deal) with my ex boyfriends. Surprisingly, I’ve reached a point where I can look a many of them and not want them to writhe and and wince in extreme torment.  Others, leave me wondering how the hell any relationship ever worked to begin with. And some of the ways have guided me into a catharsis that’s helped me realize that a harmonious connection can exist between two people, although a romantic connection may have failed previously.  Here’s a few things I’ve learned:

• It’s true: Your ex is your ex for a reason. A random AIM encounter or a chance encounter in a Starbucks can sometimes leave you wondering why you ever left. You giggle nervously over Mocha chinos reminiscing about all of the “good times”: That weekend when you were snowed in and watched Napoleon Dynamite five times straight; the time he surprised you with roses at your job…in the rain.  But wait, Napoleon Dynamite had nothing on the XXX feature you came across starring him (and co-starring your bestie).  And weren’t those roses an apology for making you cry in the middle of Denny’s?  Of course there were plenty of good times, but don’t forget the bad ones. And being as though he’s your ex, they probably outnumbered the good one’s anyway.

• Sometimes you really can’t (and shouldn’t) be friends. Not even Facebook friends. And that’s not necessarily anyone’s fault. Trey Songz definitely was speaking from experience. People grow apart and personalities clash and sometimes there is nothing you can do about it: not then, not now.  During this process, things can get intense.  Hurt feelings and bruised egos are left shattered in the aftermath and often you can’t get back to that place you once were. In this case, a friendship may not possible. If a partner is bringing out the worst in you or you feel the relationship leaves you unstable and out of control, it’s probably best that you just go back to being strangers.

• Time heals all wounds. Well no, not really. Some of those wounds actually leave pretty nasty scars. What time can do is give you an opportunity for growth. Albert Einstein once said that a problem cannot be solved by the same mind which created it. Time can transform your state of mind and adjust your outlook on the situation. So many people break up and make the mistake of thinking they can instantly be super besties, but this almost never works out. You either end up right back in the relationship or in a state of purgatory repeating the same behaviors that preceded the breakup. In my experience, the nastiest of breakups require time away to reflect on the relationship objectively.

• Ex sex is the best sex. It’s also the messiest. For those of us who find it hard to draw the line between love and lust, sex with the ex isn’t the greatest idea.   With emotions still raw and your judgment unstable, sex does nothing but complicate and already difficult situation. If you’re not going to close all communication, at least close your legs.

• Remember, Release, Reflect. Don’t take that trip down memory lane simply to throw your ex under the bus riding next to you without evaluating if and how you contributed to the relationship’s demise.  It’s easy to complain about how he “did you wrong” (just ask Keyshia Cole, Monica or Fantasia) but what’s hard is admitting that maybe you weren’t on your A game either.  The best gift you can give to any potential suitors is a new and improved you who has worked to be a better partner than you once were.  Understand that your ex could very well be a good person, just not for you.   You’ll never move forward if you’re still bitter about the past.

• Don’t say you do, if you really don’t. Forgive and forget that is.  If you don’t know by now, forgiveness is more about you than the other person.  Friendship can exist when a relationship has turned sour, but you need to have closure to old drama. The worst thing you can do is throw all that baggage on the back of the next man.  Get over it.  If you can’t please refer to “Sometimes You Really Can’t (and shouldn’t be) Friends.”

Lastly, I always say the quickest way to see if you are truly over an ex is to perform the “Pit Test”. If you can see your ex happy in another relationship and it doesn’t feel like the pit of your stomach is caving in, then you’re probably over them.  Remember to have respect for the person you are currently with; your ex shouldn’t be a bigger issue in the relationship than your love and respect for each other. Case closed.

We’ve all been there.  At a time when once you were delighted to see a certain someone’s name light up your home screen, you find yourself suddenly hitting the “Ignore” button.  And while you used to anticipate the exchange of gossip and giggles, you are now filled with dread at the expectation of drama.  If this is you, your friendship is probably making you sick.  Here are five good ways to tell if it’s turned toxic:

5.) The Boyfriend has more say in your friendship than you do:  Remember those plans that you and your friend had for the movies?  Well you’re waiting outside of the AMC, Idris Elba has been on the screen shirtless for twenty minutes, and your friend is nowhere to be found.  You just got flaked on.  And worse, it’s because she’s occupied with her man. Being the understanding friend that you are, you’re sympathetic to her newfound infatuation.  We all get a little distracted when some much-needed testosterone enters our lives, but that’s no excuse to be inconsiderate.  If a friend is constantly giving you the shaft, so she can get some shaft, then it might be time to chuck up your deuces.  The least you can get is a text message to cancel, but part of being a good friend is balancing your time between your man and your girls.

4.) It Becomes Stunted: It’s great to have a routine: Drinks at the local dive bar on Friday nights, shopping for stilettos the last Sunday of every month, or even the very necessary weekly mani/pedi.  But any healthy relationship be it platonic or romantic is one of growth.  Many friendships end because the people involved end up growing apart.  The best friendships can survive dramatic changes, long distances and even personal revelations.  It’s not always about agreeing with each other’s decisions, but supporting one another along the way.  Lastly both people have to be willing to take chances and be open-minded.  If you find that a friend just isn’t willing to even consider trying anything new, or supporting your desire to do so, it may be a sign to leave them behind.

3.) It’s Completely Based on Competition:  Anything you can do, she can do better…or at least she has to try.  If you aim to be manager of the department, she’ll try to be president of the board.  You really like that new Christian Dior silk wool dress, she’s going to buy the whole fall collection.  This is one of my personal fav’s.  I happen to think that friendships should be completely null and void of competition.  Friendly rivalries usually turn into anything but. If your friend is constantly occupied with outshining you, you may need to find a different cast member.  There’s room for everyone in the spotlight, and any self-assured women can confidently support her girl’s moment in the sun.  Being constantly concerned with competition eliminates the authenticity of the friendship.  I remember once being afraid to share any of my accomplishments or even purchases because I knew my friend would run off and try to find a way to top me.  Once again friendship is something of equal balance.  It’s not a Broadway show and there are no fans or superstars.

2.) It Becomes Inconvenient for You: It’s 2 AM and you have to be up by 7:30 AM to conquer a day of meetings, presentations all tied up by an evening spinning class at the gym.  But your friend just found some naked pictures in her man’s cell phone and they are not of her.  Even better, they’re of his best friend, Montell.  She needs to vent; you need to sleep.  But if this is an occassional occurrence, this is not what I’m referring to.  A good friend realizes that you have a life too, and that the world will not come spinning to a fiery crash although her world may be chaos. If you have a friend that outright demands you to drop everything to rescue her, then maybe it’s time she figure out how to save herself.

1.) You Can’t Be Yourself: Anyone who knows me, knows that sugar coating and shooting the shit isn’t a specialty of mine.  I have pretty scathing tongue, but usually the best of intentions.  We all have something whether it be a sharp tongue, a lazy streak, or an insanely annoying penchant for perverted jokes.  But any friend who is willing to make a commitment should know what they are signing up for.  If you find yourself making changes to your core personality just to have someone to hang out with you either need to re-evaluate yourself, or find someone who enjoys dirty jokes right along with you.  A true friend acknowledges,embraces and respects you…exactly the way you are.

A million ways

But really I’m just running out of time

And I’m always trying to find the words

To songs I’ve never heard

But they seem to always play inside my mind

And if hindsight is 20/20

Then I must being going blind

But the past is clear upon my ears

Like snowfall in summertime

My whole life written in Latin…in between the lines

On parchment paper past its prime

Where’s my butter brick road

If my version’s in black and white

Can we for just one night  play pretend

and dare to be something we’ve never been

And I remember

The last time it was December

And I thought that I would never

bleed like that again

I bet you didn’t know

The best ones leave a burn

and most of what I’ve learned

Lies buried beneath the snow

Dear Fannie Mae:

In no way do I take suicide lightly and I try my best not to pass judgment on anyone, since that is truly not my place.  With that said, your career is one where the spotlight is your office leaving you at the mercy of others’s caustic opinions.

I am hoping for your sake that all of the controversy surrounding you as of late is purely for publicity in anticipation of your upcoming release. Honestly, up until this point I was really rooting for you to overcome your less than polished ways: your frequent unprofessional absences from a Broadway production, your feet’s undeniable urge to be released like P.Diddy remix in the nineties whenever there is a crowd within a short distance, or the incessant need to have ink penetrate your epidermis whenever the scent of testosterone lingers in the air.  But the latest media circus that surrounds your “suicide attempt” has left me dumbfounded.  I ponder did you even consider your daughter as well as the friends, family and fans that love, support and depend on you?  If so, then Dr. Phil take the wheel because I believe you honestly need some counseling and a steeping hot serving of self-love.  We all make mistakes and facing those mistakes forces you to learn and improve as a person.  I understand your life is not a fairytale, but at some point we must all stop playing the victim and save ourselves.   May god grant you the common sense and mathematical skills to count your blessings.

Sincerely,

Truth With a Hint of Lie

One of the things that I remember the most about “Babygirl” (better known as Aaliyah), was that she truly had a passion and enthusiasm for entertaining. She also always made sure that her fans knew how much she appreciated their love and support.  She will always be missed.  Here’s some of my favorite vids:

The last time I played with a Barbie, I was given the choice of two shades: light brown and dark brown.  “Shani” and “Asha” were about as ethnically edgy as Mattel dared to venture in the early nineties. 

(Pictured left to right) Shani, Nichelle and Asha

Marketed with the phrase “Shani means marvelous in the Swahili language…and marvelous she is!”  the dolls were primarily featured in brightly colored costume, big golden chandelier earrings and shortly afterwards “Soul Train Jamal” was introduced complete with a Kente cloth hat and a suit that resembled an MC Hammer shopping trip to the motherland.  Although, I appreciated Mattel’s effort, I couldn’t help but think that these dolls didn’t represent any identity that I could specifically relate to.

 Imagine my surprise during a short stroll down the toy aisle to see Barbie arranged in a wide variety of sista-friendly shades from caramel cutie to cocoa couture.  The “Barbie Basics” collection features 12 different Barbie® dolls draped in sexy, but sophisticated little black dresses in different styles.  The 51-year-old original plastic dream girl represents the basic beauty of women of all shades and styles. Mattel gets my vote for giving girls a tasteful array of options and infecting me with a wicked case of nostalgia.  “Barbie Basics” proves that the beauty of a woman is anything but basic…